​Sexual harassment in the workplace is going up, not down. Approximately 80% of women in the US report experiencing some sort of sexual harassment in the workplace. Look around at your female co-workers. Pick out a group of you and nine others. Chances are that eight of you will be harassed at least once in your career. Will it be you? Your best friend?
 
Why does this keep happening? Most employees, 73 % report that their managers do not challenge the use of inappropriate language or behavior in the workplace. So, it’s up to us to stand up for ourselves. But there is a big problem.

​Women (not all targets of sexual harassment are women, but most are) I talk with say they are shocked when a harasser, which I call a perpetrator (it’s stronger, and I like it) harasses them. I feel the same way. It happens to four out of five women, but we’re still surprised when gross, obscene, juvenile behaviors are targeted at us at work.
 
It’s time to be prepared. Chances are that you will be harassed. Get ready. Practice for how you will react. Get in front of the mirror, and practice. Yes, practice. There's a good chance it's going to happen, so get ready. 

Have you ever taken a self-defense class? Do you own insurance? Same thing. Prepare for a bad thing that may happen to you. This will give you confidence. There is a good chance you will be one of the four out of five. So, get ready.
 
Imagine you’re being harassed.  What do you do?
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One - Understand that this person

• Is belittling you
• Has a problem
• Is being unprofessional
• Is being a bully

Two - Understand that you

• Don’t have to put up with this
• Have the right to protect yourself
• Are strong and not a victim
• Will now honor yourself

​Three - Go into “hero mode” because you are your own hero right now. You are professional and hardworking. You do not deserve this. It’s time to go into mental and emotional “Uma Thurman in Kill Bill” mode because this perp deserves it. Feel tough. You own this perp. You handle difficult things everyday. This perp doesn't know who they're dealing with.  You're not going to hurt anybody. You're just stopping this. Now. 

• Take a deep breath from your diaphragm
• Drop all the muscles in your face; relaxing your face gives you a serious,                  intimidating look
• Look your perp in the eye
• Stand to your full height

Four - Put your hands up. Make the “stop” sign with your hand, and make space for yourself. Step back. Hold your hand out. 

Five - Check your voice. You want to keep your voice low but not quiet. This is not time for a squeaky “Minnie Mouse” voice.

Six - Say something to break the flow of action or activity. You can say, “Stop that. That is really inappropriate.” You can ask, “Why are you being that way?” or “What exactly do you mean by that?”

Seven - At this point, you may want to just leave, or you may want to listen to your perp explain themselves and apologize. If/when a discussion ensues, your perp needs to understand that they are wrong and agree to not engage in this kind of grossly misguided behavior again. They need to apologize. 

​The only acceptable outcome is for you to feel good about standing up for yourself. Feel powerful. Know that you would do this again. You are in the right. Under no circumstances is it okay for this behavior to be tolerated by a company. It’s the law. And this behavior undermines productivity and retention of talent.
 
Now, go watch Kill Bill, and feel like a badass, because you are! We don’t expect this kind of behavior in a professional setting, but it happens everyday. Almost every woman I’ve talked to in my career has had some experience with being harassed. Since it is almost inevitable, get ready to handle it. Be strong. Take responsibility. Be a leader. Tell your perp they are way out of line and should never act like this again.

Let your perp know that you two will be okay as long as they stop their stupid behavior. Then drop it. Unless, of course it continues. Then you need to report them. 
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It’s up to us to change company cultures. We can do this.

For more stories and suggestions on preventing sexual harassment, read my book, Feminine Emergence.
 
I’d love to hear about your experiences and questions. Please comment below.

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