​Sexual harassment in the workplace is going up, not down. Approximately 80% of women in the US report experiencing some sort of sexual harassment in the workplace. Look around at your female co-workers. Pick out a group of you and nine others. Chances are that eight of you will be harassed at least once in your career. Will it be you? Your best friend?
 
Why does this keep happening? Most employees, 73 % report that their managers do not challenge the use of inappropriate language or behavior in the workplace. So, it’s up to us to stand up for ourselves. But there is a big problem.

​Women (not all targets of sexual harassment are women, but most are) I talk with say they are shocked when a harasser, which I call a perpetrator (it’s stronger, and I like it) harasses them. I feel the same way. It happens to four out of five women, but we’re still surprised when gross, obscene, juvenile behaviors are targeted at us at work.
 
It’s time to be prepared. Chances are that you will be harassed. Get ready. Practice for how you will react. Get in front of the mirror, and practice. Yes, practice. There's a good chance it's going to happen, so get ready. 

Have you ever taken a self-defense class? Do you own insurance? Same thing. Prepare for a bad thing that may happen to you. This will give you confidence. There is a good chance you will be one of the four out of five. So, get ready.
 
Imagine you’re being harassed.  What do you do?
​
One - Understand that this person

• Is belittling you
• Has a problem
• Is being unprofessional
• Is being a bully

Two - Understand that you

• Don’t have to put up with this
• Have the right to protect yourself
• Are strong and not a victim
• Will now honor yourself

​Three - Go into “hero mode” because you are your own hero right now. You are professional and hardworking. You do not deserve this. It’s time to go into mental and emotional “Uma Thurman in Kill Bill” mode because this perp deserves it. Feel tough. You own this perp. You handle difficult things everyday. This perp doesn't know who they're dealing with.  You're not going to hurt anybody. You're just stopping this. Now. 

• Take a deep breath from your diaphragm
• Drop all the muscles in your face; relaxing your face gives you a serious,                  intimidating look
• Look your perp in the eye
• Stand to your full height

Four - Put your hands up. Make the “stop” sign with your hand, and make space for yourself. Step back. Hold your hand out. 

Five - Check your voice. You want to keep your voice low but not quiet. This is not time for a squeaky “Minnie Mouse” voice.

Six - Say something to break the flow of action or activity. You can say, “Stop that. That is really inappropriate.” You can ask, “Why are you being that way?” or “What exactly do you mean by that?”

Seven - At this point, you may want to just leave, or you may want to listen to your perp explain themselves and apologize. If/when a discussion ensues, your perp needs to understand that they are wrong and agree to not engage in this kind of grossly misguided behavior again. They need to apologize. 

​The only acceptable outcome is for you to feel good about standing up for yourself. Feel powerful. Know that you would do this again. You are in the right. Under no circumstances is it okay for this behavior to be tolerated by a company. It’s the law. And this behavior undermines productivity and retention of talent.
 
Now, go watch Kill Bill, and feel like a badass, because you are! We don’t expect this kind of behavior in a professional setting, but it happens everyday. Almost every woman I’ve talked to in my career has had some experience with being harassed. Since it is almost inevitable, get ready to handle it. Be strong. Take responsibility. Be a leader. Tell your perp they are way out of line and should never act like this again.

Let your perp know that you two will be okay as long as they stop their stupid behavior. Then drop it. Unless, of course it continues. Then you need to report them. 
​
It’s up to us to change company cultures. We can do this.

For more stories and suggestions on preventing sexual harassment, read my book, Feminine Emergence.
 
I’d love to hear about your experiences and questions. Please comment below.

Malcolm Gladwell writes in his book, The Tipping Point (2000), that a tipping point is "the moment of critical mass, the threshold, the boiling point." Gladwell writes that social changes spread when there is enough momentum, attention, or energy and can be started by just a few seemingly small-impact events. What does this have to do with Feminine Emergence? And first of all, what is Feminine Emergence?
 
Feminine Emergence is a process. When feminine energy grows and becomes stronger than it was before. The process relates to women’s empowerment and the sense for all of us that it’s healthy and safe to embrace feminine energy.

What is feminine energy? First of all, it’s not gender. It can be related to gender, but it doesn’t have to be. Both men and women have feminine energy. Women have it more. Feminine energy is what Eastern cultures call “Yin”. Elements of Feminine Energy include compassion, creativity, a worldview, environmental focus, creativity, embracing emotions, intuition, and win-win solutions. When we are kind, nurturing, or vulnerable, we are acting in our feminine energy. We are seeing more feminine energy in corporate cultures. As we have more women in professional and leadership roles, corporate cultures will have more feminine energy.
 
What is masculine energy? Masculine energy is what Eastern cultures call “Yang”. Masculine energy is competitive, action oriented, outwardly focused, independent, aggressive, confident, and strong. When we are analytical, systematic, objective, technical, direct, or participate in linear reasoning, we are in our masculine energy. 

​Masculine energy is a lot of fun. I enjoy it, and it has served me well in my career. It serves us well as a culture and economy also. When a culture becomes overly masculinized, as many work cultures have, we see bullying, harassment, greed, and other dysfunctions that undermine what we are looking for – which is engagement, productivity, innovation, and profitability.
 
The process of Feminine Emergence can happen for a person, a group (like a family or a work group), or a company or society. In our culture masculine energy has traditionally been more valued, so it has been exhibited more frequently. When feminine energy bubbles up, that is Feminine Emergence. This is what we’re seeing now in society and work cultures.

In the last three years, we have seen feminine energy being more valued and exhibited in professional organizations. We now have more women in Congress and more women CEO’s and board members of Fortune 500 companies. This is changing work cultures. For example, we see behaviors of “collaboration” and “relationship building” being valued among leaders. These are aspects of feminine energy.
 
We are experiencing what I think Gladwell would describe as a tipping point, a cultural change with no going back. In the #MeToo and #TimesUp era, work cultures are changing to be less tolerant of all forms of harassment and more inclusive of feminine styles of leadership.
 
We’ve seen other tipping points in our time. When people realized that personal computers were not a luxury but a necessary business and educational tool, that was a tipping point. Once we got on the personal computer bandwagon, momentum built. There was no going back. This will be the same. There will be no turning back.

Read more about Feminine Emergence in my Amazon.com best-selling book, FE Feminine Emergence.

Please share this article and your thoughts with your community. Like, tweet, share and comment! I love comments! Please put your comments and questions below, and let's stay in touch. Thank you so much! 

​One of my dearest and most admired friends passed away unexpectedly on Monday. I’m shocked and so very sad. We met as colleagues, and later he became a dear friend and mentor. One of the benefits of work and career is meeting great people, people you can develop relationships with. Ron and I developed a friendship when our offices were next door to each other. We went to lunch often and discussed our work, families, politics, religion, health and more. We talked about so many things you’re not supposed to talk about at work. Many times we agreed. Other times we respectfully disagreed. We built trust and respect over time.
 
I admired Ron’s intellect, razor-sharp wit, and artistic sensibility. Ron studied literature at Harvard and playwriting at Yale. He was creative, insightful, and talented, while being soft spoken and compassionate. He was a talented painter and wrote and published five novels. He liked to hike and travel. He was active in his community. He loved his wife and two sons infinitely.

​Ron mentored me while we were both still in the corporate world. As synchronicity would have it, we were laid off on the same day as part of a massive layoff. We talked that afternoon about how our layoffs had played out for both of us. As we both started our consulting practices, his in communications and marketing and mine in consulting and coaching, we shared war stories and lessons learned. He was patient and supportive, always a great listener and wise advisor.
 
When I was ready to publish my book, Feminine Emergence, I asked Ron to skim a couple of chapters and give me a pre-release review. Ron jumped on it right away. He read my whole book and gave me a wonderful review. He told me at lunch that I was a good writer, which brought tears of pride to my eyes. This complement from Ron meant the world to me. He told me that he could not put my book down, that it was a compelling read and an important book. 

​Careers can be tough, long and arduous, unforgiving, even unrewarding. Don’t miss out on the chance to make friends at work. It is one of the most wonderful blessings of work that is available to us. To build a friendship like mine and Ron’s requires vulnerability, honesty, and sometimes forgiveness. It’s worth it. Ron was a gem of a man. I learned so much from him. Our friendship made my life richer. Ron was not a "work friend." He was my friend. I encourage you to be open to similar opportunities.
 
Early in my career I worked with another man, a wonderful man named Don. Don was charming, funny and kind. He mentored me while I was in my 20’s. Don died too early of pancreatic cancer. His funeral was the first funeral I ever attended. It was sad as hell. It was a packed house, and everyone was crying. Don had eight pallbearers. I knew all of them because I worked with them. Don’s coworkers were his dear friends, and they carried him, physically, on his final journey. It was lovely to see the camaraderie and love of the men carrying Don. I’ll never forget it.

Making friends and building relationships at work enhances work and life experience tremendously. Caring about your work and the people you work with increases engagement and productivity. It adds quality to life. It expands one’s sense of community and purpose.

Don’t have friends at work? Go make some. Have a few superficial friends at work? Deepen the relationships. Invite someone to lunch. Get to know them. Let them know you. Build relationships. You’ll be grateful you did. 

​***RIP, Ron. ***

Dear reader, I love comments. Please comment below. It's a great way to connect.